Final edit of Chapter One - Sean's story

I have just finished editing Chapter One for the last time and have decided to go with telling it from Sean's point of view. I kept chopping and changing between narrative, then maybe Elsie, then Sean. I feel the story comes across more intense this way. Have another read and let me know what you think. Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me and taken time out to give me some feedback on my changes. jen x

CHAPTER ONE

Elsie Sheldon tiptoed as she kissed me goodnight. She wasn’t particularly short, 5’ 5 but I was about 6’1, and she loved having to tiptoe to kiss me good night. “You have to go” I said, as I tried to un-wrap my arms from her petite waist. “Just one more kiss Sean” Elsie replied staring at me with her piercing green eyes. Even though they would be together again tomorrow night, I knew she hated going home without me. If only things could be different.

I gave her one last kiss goodnight. When my lips pressed against her soft lips, I knew it sent tingles from her head to her toes. Elsie loved the way I could make her feel. She would tell me her stomach would flutter and she felt like she drifted to a faraway place when I kissed her. Somewhere it was ok for us to be together. We said good night and I watched Elsie as she walked down her road and turned into her drive. She turned and waved goodbye then disappeared into her house. I had to wait here in case anyone from the Sheldon family saw me. That was all that we needed.

I turned and walked back toward the bus stop. For a late September night, London was humid. Uncomfortable. Just as I had felt when I remembered walking into the Sheldon house for the first and last time, four months ago.

I told Elsie that it wasn’t a good idea weeks before that evening. I knew Elsie’s father would not have thought highly of me. No doubt, he would have already done some probing about. Nevertheless, she had insisted that I came along. Marcus Sheldon had shaken my hand when I walked in the house and showed me to the dining room. I was seated next to Jamie, Elsie’s younger brother. Although Jamie was two years younger than Elsie was, he had looked much older than her and resembled their father. I was seated opposite Elsie and felt like my comfort barrier had been taken away by the seating arrangements. I remember feeling tense and my hands were warm and clammy.
Patricia had sat to the left of me. I knew from the moment I saw her that Elsie got her looks from her mother. She had the same long dark, wavy hair and the same piercing green eyes. Patricia had seemed nice enough; it seemed that Elsie also got her good hearted nature from her mother too. Her voice was soft and soothing, like a mother should be. I had thought about my own mother’s voice that night, hers was harsh and angry. Then I had stopped himself drifting back to my own reality and came back to Elsie’s reality, what had seemed like a paradise at that moment.

Jamie was a typical eighteen year old; he had been speaking out of place and pushing his father’s patience since I had arrived. I had felt sure he wouldn’t of got away with it, if I had not of been sitting there. Everything had been going well and when I had looked over at Elsie, she had smiled and almost looked relaxed. I watched her shoulders drop, as she became more comfortable sitting at the table. I had known it would only be a matter of time before that would change. Marcus had started asking questions about the side of town I was raised in. We had been discussing the amount of crime that seemed to go on in East London for almost half hour. Suddenly it was as if someone had pulled the switch and the light bulb came on in Marcus’ head. “Sean, just out of interest may I ask what your last name is?” Marcus had stared deep into my eyes. The look of horror had swept over Elsie’s face and we had both known that was going to be it. The end of our first family night together, the last time we would be allowed to see each other.

“Yes sir, its Bayonne” I had tried to reply calmly. Marcus had just glared at me. “Bayonne. As in Doug Bayonne?” He had asked. “Yes sir” just about managed to leave my mouth. “And are you in any relation TO Doug Bayonne?” Marcus had probed.

I could have lied but it would have been discovered eventually and I had nothing to be ashamed off, I was nothing like him. Elsie had sat there biting her lip and Patricia and Jamie had stopped eating. The ticking off the clock on the wall had seemed to have got louder, until I had realised I was listening to the thudding of my heart against my chest. That was the question I had been waiting for, it was all to be over in less than 2 hours. I had looked down at my plate and breathed in. “Yes Mr Sheldon, he is my father.” Already knowing what lay ahead over those next few minutes, I had finished my mouthful and put the cutlery down onto the table. Silence had fallen across the table, all apart from the shuffling of Marcus’ chair on the wooden floor, as he stood up, pushed his chair back, and had looked at Elsie.
“Dinner is over, Sean has finished” he had turned to look at me. “You are not welcome here and you will not be seeing my daughter again. I will not have my family being associated with the likes of your family. Now leave, please.” I had been left with no choice.

Marcus’ words repeated over and over in my head. The look on Elsie’s face, it was still so visible, even now I could still hear her sobs. Her eyes had filled up and she had gone to stand up from her chair, but her father’s sharp look was enough to make her sit back down. As I had walked out the house, I had heard Elsie’s pleads to her dad. I have not returned to that house since. I had vowed that would not be the last time I saw Elsie again though.

Four months later and we continue to see each other, just more carefully. I couldn’t give her up. I had never felt this way about someone before and never had someone accepted me for who I am, and not who my father was.

I stopped thinking back to that night as I walked through town and boarded the bus back home. I would get home a little after midnight; it was just after 11 now. The journey was long and boring but always worth seeing Elsie. As I stared out into the starry night, I wished I could be with her now. Running my fingers through her soft hair. She would have her arms wrapped around me, as we would cuddle under the duvet talking about our future together. I cared so deeply for Elsie and I knew she loved me. Deep down inside I knew I loved her too, more than I ever thought was possible, but I couldn’t tell her. She would just have to wait to hear those three words.

CHAPTER TWO IS IN THE MAKING, NOW I HAVE DECIDED WHICH CHARACTER TO TELL THE STORY FROM.