Thursday, 5 November 2009
"Try something new and write about it"
When you run out of ideas sometimes it is quite hard to just sit there and write about something new, especially if you don't have first hand experience of this. So try something new and it could be anything. I have recently started looking at flats to rent and have looked into a lot of information surrounding that. I now have enough knowledge to be able to write an article about it and I hadn't known anything before!
Even if it's not something quite so dramatic as that, you could try a new hobby out and then write about it. You don't have to stick at the hobby, just know enough about it to then be able to write an article. Go check out local events that take place and take your notebook (you could be needing to buy a new one of them soon!)Just trying to 'think outside the box' and put yourself in new situations is great, you can never know too much and always remember that!
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
"Write a weekly/monthly plan for yourself and stick to it"
We are all guilty of having a wonderful idea and starting it off and not finishing it or taking a lot longer to finish it then necessary. So print yourself of a calender that's got 1 month to a A4 page and pencil in what you need to do within that month. Only fill in work related projects though. Check it each day and make sure you stick to it, it's easy to get side tracked. If for any reason you can't do something on one of the days, be sure to write it in for another day.
Start with writing a list of everything you want to achieve in that month and then go along writing them in for appropriate days. But make sure you really plan them in, don't write something in for a Saturday if you know you don't have time to commit to doing it on that Saturday, so maybe pencil in that you have to read a chapter of that book you are studying at the moment. It can be anything from planning a chapter, to writing a whole chapter to just reading a page of your essay. Try it out and see how it works. I personally think its great to look at the beginning of the month and know what you want to achieve and then be able to look back at what you actually did achieve.
Monday, 2 November 2009
"Post-it to stay positive!"
When something good happens we often forget it but will always remember the bad. So trying to stay positive can prove quite hard. When you do something you are proud of or something positive happens write it on a post-it note and stick it up in a place where you will see it. When we feel down we often think about negative things which push us even further into feeling down.
This happens a lot when you are a freelance worker and trying to break free, sitting at your desk and having a complete blank. You start to think about why you are not achieving what other people are or just think general negative thoughts. By displaying post-it notes around you with ONLY positive thoughts and feelings on them, this is going to help to pull you back out of a dark place and remind you of why you are sitting there at your desk. This works for day to day life too, not just work life. Stick a post it note on your fridge, so when you wake up to make your morning tea/coffee, you are reminded of whats good in your life right now.
Surrounding yourself with happy thoughts doesn't make you naive to life, it helps you to live a more positive life and enjoy it.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
"Listen to what people talk about most whether it be positive or negative and write it in your notebook"
If you like to write articles or even need ideas of conversations to put in your story then listening out to what people talk about on a daily basis is going to help you. Day to day chit chat fills up most people's days and we spend a lot of our time doing this. But how often do we really listen to what people are talking about and use it to help our own growth. So go back to one of your first tips I gave you about getting a notebook and spend your day really listening to what people are saying and jot it down in your book. Then when you are next writing an article and need ideas of what is being talked about at the moment, your notebook is going to be a great tool. Or if you are writing a story and need some general conversation for your characters fill it up with some notes from your notebook. It will really help and it saves you time sitting there wondering what to write when it comes to chit chat, when all you need to do is listen to the world around you! Try it out today.
Monday, 26 October 2009
"Wake up an hour earlier and get some work done, it sets you up for the day"
We all wish for that extra hour in the day to get something done or some of us even wish for an extra day in the week to get those things done which you can't quite fit in during the week. So my partner has been trying out something new for the last week and it has worked really well and I thought it would be great to share with you. He has been getting up an hour earlier and getting some reading or general work done that when he gets in at night time he doesn't have time to do. He has found that it has motivated him for the day and really made him feel awake by the time he actually gets to work!
To make sure you don't really tire yourself out though, make sure you go bed maybe half hour earlier the night before. Or even if getting up earlier isn't right for you. Over the last 2 weeks I have been putting aside 30mins - 1 hour to read before I go to bed and get some ideas together for my next chapter. Once I get in from work and get everything out the way that I need to I feel relaxed and can then get deep into my reading/writing. So I suppose today's main tip is to make sure you put an hour aside a day to spend time doing what you enjoy, whether it be 1st thing in the morning or last thing at night. Let me know how it goes!
Check out my partners webpage http://calvin-t.blogspot.com/
Thursday, 8 October 2009
"DON'T let things get you down, following a passion is always worth while"
Sometimes in life we are all guilty of letting things get us down. Whether it be work related or personal. When things don't always go right and that job you have always wanted just doesn't come along, then as a human being we instinctively take offence to this and can be put off what ever we were doing. So when you are writing and writing and feel like no-one is reading then don't let it get you down, don't stop writing because there will always be someone who is reading and someone who believes in you, and that should be yourself too. You need to believe in yourself to succeed. So today's tip isn't so much about a writing technique or style to help you write, its more a mental tip to help you when sometimes you get stuck and are struggling. Never give up on a passion if you honestly enjoy doing it. Even if you don't get anywhere with it career wise, then just enjoying it as a hobby should be enough. And one day you might just get your big break if you keep persevering with it.
So I want to say a big heart felt Thank You to everyone who reads my blog!
Monday, 5 October 2009
"Conduct a short interview for practice"
So sometimes work does dry up and you sometimes don't have the drive to keep going but there is always a way you can keep your brain exercised and get some practice in for yourself, while putting something interesting on your blog for others to read. To start off with pick a friend at random, someone who is interesting and generally has something worth writing about. It could be that they are great at a certain hobby or have just started a new job, sponsored a new charity, anything. Write out some questions, keep it short, only between 8 and 10 questions and sit down with your unsuspecting candidate and take some notes! (your notebook from Tip #1 will come in handy for this exercise!) Take some details down and then go away and write it out into an interview, don't make it too long and tedious to read through because people could get bored as its an interview on somebody they don't know. But this is great practice for you and its a little bit of fun. Its great if you want to go into article writing. Look at your local newspapers and check out how many of them have small interviews, 60 second interviews even. Try it out!
Sunday, 4 October 2009
"Read your work aloud"
This may sound like quite an odd piece of advice but let me explain first before you decide. When most people write you find that you get into a flow and you keep writing and writing and you read back over it in your head and it sounds fine . Now read it aloud and you sometimes pick up on things you wouldn't if you were reading in your head. I used this example on my partner the other day (I hope he doesn't mind me mentioning it!) He had written a short piece of writing and read it over and was happy with it. He asked me to read it through it but instead I asked him to read it out loud to me. As he was reading through it he kept stopping himself and rearranging words that didn't quite sound right and by doing that he completely edited his writing himself.
I always read my work out loud to check for mistakes or to see if a sentence I have written makes sense. It also works well for me if i am writing something and get stuck, can't think of what to put next, so I read it aloud to see if anything naturally follows it or if I need to change it. 9 times out of 10 it works for me. So today's tip may be short and simple but it really is a little tip worth knowing!
Saturday, 3 October 2009
"Read as much as you can, from books to magazines to e-books"
I enjoy reading all types of books from romance novels to crime and thriller stories. I love nothing more then getting stuck in to a good read. Reading has always been something I am passionate about but it is also a great learning tool. You get to pick up on how different people write. If you are particularly interested in writing novels then it it great to read books to allow you to pick up on different writing techniques. If you are more into article reading then you can gain so much from picking up a newspaper and magazine a day and reading through different articles. Read main articles that really grab your attention and then take a look at the one's which don't stand out as much. What is different in the way they are written? You can really analyse people's work and look at it in depth, even set yourself little essay questions on them or take the main contents and try to re-write it yourself.
These are great exercises and I find myself now whenever I am reading a book, looking at the way a sentence has been formed and if I would have done it differently. As a writer you are always looking at other people's writing techniques and looking for new ways to write your own work, the work doesn't just stop when you stop writing! So teach yourself something new today. You really are capable of it and it keeps your brain fresh.
There are so many online tips and e-books that you can go through as well to help you gain different ways of writing just from reading. Go on to your favourite writer's website and look at how the articles on their website have been written. Happy reading!
Tip #7 coming soon
Thursday, 1 October 2009
"How to help you to concentrate and get the most from your writing time"
When you sit down to get on with your work, whatever kind of work it may be, it either takes a while to get into it or its hard to keep concentrating for long periods of time. Firstly when you sit down to concentrate, sit in a quiet room, don't have the TV or the radio on in the background because although you may not realise it, it will be causing a distraction from your work. When you have loads of ideas and you just want to keep writing forever its great but you need to have breaks. Write down all your ideas (so you don't forget them) and then start writing and continue for about 30 minutes. Then take a break, move away from your desk, go get a cup of tea/coffee and take a 10-15 minute break. Have a change of scenery for a short space of time and you will see the difference. When you go back to your desk you will find it a lot easier to concentrate.
Your brain can not concentrate for long periods of time, hence why when we were in school we had so many breaks. As adults we are expected to concentrate for longer, although sometimes it may be the case that we can sit there for hours writing, but the quality of the writing my differ. It will be fantastic at the beginning and as time goes on you can tell where the writer needs to put down the pen/stop typing and take a break. There is no harm in having a break, it does some good. So when you start feeling tired or a little weary, remember it is ok to take a break and that you are generally only expected to concentrate for about 30-45 minutes at a time.
Try it out and see how it works for you. Happy writing. Come back for Tip #6 tomorrow.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
"Read your work, Edit it, Re-read it, Re-edit it..."
Everyone who writes, whether it be in a lesson at school, a story for yourself, an article or even a piece of writing for work, you all know how nice it would be to write something once and that be it. However it doesn't work like that (I hear you sigh) and there is a reason for that. Using my own example, when I started writing my own novel Sean's Story I wrote the 1st chapter pretty quickly and then put it aside for a few weeks and went back to it. In that time I had thought of new lines I had wanted to put in, so I read it and edited it for the 1st time. Over the last 6 months I have read that chapter and edited it to a point where I am now happy with what my 1st chapter says and where it is leading the reader to. Now I am hoping that it won't take me that long to write my next chapter, as I was still finding my feet throughout chapter one.
Whatever I write though I have the same routine with, write it and then go away and come back with fresh eyes, even the next day is a great start. You can only hold your concentration levels for around 30 min's - 45 min's and although you could keep writing for hours, when you go back and read it, you can tell roundabout where your concentration levels started to deteriorate. So by re-reading and re-editing you get to make your piece of writing perfect! It can seem tedious at times but I assure you only good results come from it. So go ahead and grab out an old piece of writing and see what you can do with it today!
Tip #5 will be coming tomorrow and talks about helping you with concentration levels.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
"Get yourself a crossword book"
Why? I hear you ask. Crosswords are great for keeping the brain trained and not only that but they expand your vocabulary without you having to read a dictionary! When you were at school you were always discovering new words, now being older, you get stuck into the same routine every day and rarely learn a new word. So not only does a crossword get you thinking but you learn new words from it, and new meanings. Even if you don't get yourself a crossword book, get the paper and do that one for a bit of fun. Although i have to say doing celebrity crosswords won't help your vocabulary grow as much, however you will be very up to date with the celebs!
So when your next scanning your local newsagents for a magazine or something to occupy you on the train to work, grab a puzzler or crossword book, they last a while too. Just doing one a day will add at least one new word to your own dictionary for when you next sit down to write that novel or article. Happy Puzzling!
Come back tomorrow for Tip #4
Monday, 28 September 2009
"Never dismiss ideas - keep them aside to go back to at a later date"
So now you have your notebook (and you keep it by your bedside!) you will find that you jot down ideas on the spare of the moment. Using your notebook to write down anything that comes into your head is great. Even if it is one word, one sentence or a random group of words which you think will come in handy, even a setting for a story which you haven't started writing yet. These are all thoughts that you have come up with or had an idea for at some time during your career, so give yourself some credit for them, don't just throw them away, keep them aside!
If you don't use them straight away don't dismiss them, keep them for the future because at some point when you have writer's block (which we all get) they may come in handy and give you something to start writing about again. An idea which works (only if you are persistant and stick to it) is to keep a page for each date in your notebook, only an A5 sized book, write the date at the top and jot down your ideas for that day. And then when you look back and use them just cross them off. It could be a great idea you have but just nowhere to use it yet or no inspiration to do something with it. So save it for a later date. Never just cross it off or throw it away.
Look out for Tip #3
Elsie Sheldon tiptoed as she kissed me goodnight. She wasn’t particularly short, 5’ 5 but I was about 6’1, and she loved having to tiptoe to kiss me good night. “You have to go” I said, as I tried to un-wrap my arms from her petite waist. “Just one more kiss Sean” Elsie replied staring at me with her piercing green eyes. Even though they would be together again tomorrow night, I knew she hated going home without me. If only things could be different.
I gave her one last kiss goodnight. When my lips pressed against her soft lips, I knew it sent tingles from her head to her toes. Elsie loved the way I could make her feel. She would tell me her stomach would flutter and she felt like she drifted to a faraway place when I kissed her. Somewhere it was ok for us to be together. We said good night and I watched Elsie as she walked down her road and turned into her drive. She turned and waved goodbye then disappeared into her house. I had to wait here in case anyone from the Sheldon family saw me. That was all that we needed.
I turned and walked back toward the bus stop. For a late September night, London was humid. Uncomfortable. Just as I had felt when I remembered walking into the Sheldon house for the first and last time, four months ago.
I told Elsie that it wasn’t a good idea weeks before that evening. I knew Elsie’s father would not have thought highly of me. No doubt, he would have already done some probing about. Nevertheless, she had insisted that I came along. Marcus Sheldon had shaken my hand when I walked in the house and showed me to the dining room. I was seated next to Jamie, Elsie’s younger brother. Although Jamie was two years younger than Elsie was, he had looked much older than her and resembled their father. I was seated opposite Elsie and felt like my comfort barrier had been taken away by the seating arrangements. I remember feeling tense and my hands were warm and clammy.
Patricia had sat to the left of me. I knew from the moment I saw her that Elsie got her looks from her mother. She had the same long dark, wavy hair and the same piercing green eyes. Patricia had seemed nice enough; it seemed that Elsie also got her good hearted nature from her mother too. Her voice was soft and soothing, like a mother should be. I had thought about my own mother’s voice that night, hers was harsh and angry. Then I had stopped himself drifting back to my own reality and came back to Elsie’s reality, what had seemed like a paradise at that moment.
Jamie was a typical eighteen year old; he had been speaking out of place and pushing his father’s patience since I had arrived. I had felt sure he wouldn’t of got away with it, if I had not of been sitting there. Everything had been going well and when I had looked over at Elsie, she had smiled and almost looked relaxed. I watched her shoulders drop, as she became more comfortable sitting at the table. I had known it would only be a matter of time before that would change. Marcus had started asking questions about the side of town I was raised in. We had been discussing the amount of crime that seemed to go on in East London for almost half hour. Suddenly it was as if someone had pulled the switch and the light bulb came on in Marcus’ head. “Sean, just out of interest may I ask what your last name is?” Marcus had stared deep into my eyes. The look of horror had swept over Elsie’s face and we had both known that was going to be it. The end of our first family night together, the last time we would be allowed to see each other.
“Yes sir, its Bayonne” I had tried to reply calmly. Marcus had just glared at me. “Bayonne. As in Doug Bayonne?” He had asked. “Yes sir” just about managed to leave my mouth. “And are you in any relation TO Doug Bayonne?” Marcus had probed.
I could have lied but it would have been discovered eventually and I had nothing to be ashamed off, I was nothing like him. Elsie had sat there biting her lip and Patricia and Jamie had stopped eating. The ticking off the clock on the wall had seemed to have got louder, until I had realised I was listening to the thudding of my heart against my chest. That was the question I had been waiting for, it was all to be over in less than 2 hours. I had looked down at my plate and breathed in. “Yes Mr Sheldon, he is my father.” Already knowing what lay ahead over those next few minutes, I had finished my mouthful and put the cutlery down onto the table. Silence had fallen across the table, all apart from the shuffling of Marcus’ chair on the wooden floor, as he stood up, pushed his chair back, and had looked at Elsie.
“Dinner is over, Sean has finished” he had turned to look at me. “You are not welcome here and you will not be seeing my daughter again. I will not have my family being associated with the likes of your family. Now leave, please.” I had been left with no choice.
Marcus’ words repeated over and over in my head. The look on Elsie’s face, it was still so visible, even now I could still hear her sobs. Her eyes had filled up and she had gone to stand up from her chair, but her father’s sharp look was enough to make her sit back down. As I had walked out the house, I had heard Elsie’s pleads to her dad. I have not returned to that house since. I had vowed that would not be the last time I saw Elsie again though.
Four months later and we continue to see each other, just more carefully. I couldn’t give her up. I had never felt this way about someone before and never had someone accepted me for who I am, and not who my father was.
I stopped thinking back to that night as I walked through town and boarded the bus back home. I would get home a little after midnight; it was just after 11 now. The journey was long and boring but always worth seeing Elsie. As I stared out into the starry night, I wished I could be with her now. Running my fingers through her soft hair. She would have her arms wrapped around me, as we would cuddle under the duvet talking about our future together. I cared so deeply for Elsie and I knew she loved me. Deep down inside I knew I loved her too, more than I ever thought was possible, but I couldn’t tell her. She would just have to wait to hear those three words.
CHAPTER TWO IS IN THE MAKING, NOW I HAVE DECIDED WHICH CHARACTER TO TELL THE STORY FROM.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
After gathering my list together, I am now going to give a Tip Of The Day from now on, which I am hoping will be of some use to you at some point in the near future.
Your 1st tip is going to be
"Carry a note book with you where ever you go/Always have a notebook by your side"
It may sound simple and you may think I already do that but how often do you write in that book and how often do you refer back to it? For the last few months I have been carrying a note book around and it really helps when i am stuck or looking for ideas, to go back and have a scan through of previous ideas I have written down. The best place for my note book is on my desk right next to my bed. The most creative thinking takes place when I am trying to get to sleep. I become indulged in lots of ideas and find that I can't get to sleep, even though i am 95% of the time, shattered! So being able to grab my note book and jot down some ideas is great. They are then taken out of my mind (allowing me to get some sleep)and put on a piece of paper for me to come back to when I am awake and ready to start working.
This doesn't just apply to writers, this works well for many people. Again it may seem obvious but there are times when you are out and about and an idea pops into your head and you have no where to write it down. You say to yourself, 'I must write that down when i get home' (a line we are all familiar with) and no doubt by the time you are home, that idea is a million miles away from the fore front of your mind now!
So my 1st tip is get yourself a good sized notebook, that isn't to much hassle to carry around, and make it your new best friend. Remember to always keep some paper and a pen by your bedside. Its generally a lot of people's most creative time! Look out for tip #2.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Elsie Sheldon tiptoed as she kissed Sean goodnight. She wasn’t particularly short, 5’ 5 but Sean was about 6’1, and she just loved having to tiptoe up to kiss him. “You have to go” Sean said, as he tried to un-wrap his arms from her petite waist. “Just one more kiss” Elsie replied, staring at him with her piercing green eyes. Even though she would be with him again tomorrow night, she hated going home alone, without Sean. If only things could be different.
Sean gave her one last kiss goodnight. When his soft lips touched hers, it sent tingles from her head to her toes. Elsie loved the way Sean made her feel. Her stomach would flutter and she felt like she drifted to a faraway place when he kissed her. Somewhere it was ok for them to be together. They said good night and Sean watched Elsie as she walked down her road and turned into her drive. She turned and waved goodbye then disappeared into her house. He had to wait here in case anyone from the Sheldon family saw him. That was all that Sean and Elsie needed.
Sean turned and walked back toward the bus stop. For a late September night, London was humid. Uncomfortable. Just as he had felt when he remembered walking into the Sheldon house for the first and last time, four months ago...
Sean had told Elsie that it wasn’t a good idea weeks before that evening. He knew Elsie’s father would not have thought highly of him. No doubt he would have already done some probing about on him. Nevertheless, she had insisted that he went. Marcus Sheldon had shook Sean’s hand when he walked in the house and showed him to the dining room. He had been seated next to Jamie, Elsie’s younger brother. Although Jamie was two years younger than Elsie was, he had looked much older than her and resembled their father. Sean was sitting opposite Elsie and felt his comfort barrier had been taken away by the seating arrangements.
Patricia had sat to the left of him. He knew from the moment he saw Patricia, that Elsie got her looks from her mother. She had the same long dark, wavy hair and the same piercing green eyes. Patricia had seemed nice enough; it seemed that Elsie also got her good hearted nature from her mother too. Her voice was soft and soothing, like a mother should be. Sean had thought about his own mother’s voice that night, hers was harsh and angry. Then he had stopped himself drifting back to his own reality and came back to Elsie’s reality, what had seemed like a paradise to him.
Jamie was a typical eighteen year old; he had been speaking out of place and pushing his father’s patience since Sean had arrived. He had felt sure he wouldn’t of got away with it, if he had not of been sitting there. Everything had been going well and when Sean looked over at Elsie, she had smiled and almost looked relaxed. Sean had known it would only be a matter of time before that would change. Marcus had started asking questions about the side of town Sean was raised in. They had been discussing the amount of crime that seemed to go on in East London for almost half hour. Suddenly it was as if someone had pulled the switch and the light bulb came on in Marcus’ head. “Sean, just out of interest may I ask what your last name is?” Marcus had stared deep into Sean’s eyes. The look of horror had swept over Elsie’s face and they had both known that was going to be it. The end of their first family night together, the last time they would be allowed to see each other.
“Yes sir, its Bayonne” Sean had replied, calmly. Marcus had just glared at Sean. “Bayonne. As in Doug Bayonne?” He had asked. “Yes sir” just managed to leave Sean’s mouth. “And are you in any relation TO Doug Bayonne?” Marcus had probed.
He could have lied but it would have been discovered eventually and he had nothing to be ashamed off, Sean was nothing like him. Elsie had sat there biting her lip and Patricia and Jamie had stopped eating. The ticking off the clock on the wall had seemed to have got louder, until Sean had realised he was listening to the thudding of his own heart against his chest. That was the question he had been waiting for, it was all to be over in less than 2 hours. Sean breathed in and answered before Marcus could repeat his question. “Yes Mr Sheldon, he is my father.” Already knowing what lay ahead over the next few minutes Sean finished his mouthful and put his cutlery down. Silence had fallen across the table, all apart from the shuffling of Marcus’ chair on the wooden floor, as he stood up, pushed his chair back, and looked at Elsie.
“Dinner is over, Sean has finished” he had turned to look at me. “You are not welcome here and you will not be seeing my daughter again. I will not have my family being associated with the likes of your family. Now leave, please.” He had been left with no choice.
Marcus’ words repeated over and over in his head. The look on Elsie’s face, it was still so visible, even now he could still hear her sobs. Her eyes had whelmed up and she had gone to stand up from her chair, but her father’s sharp look was enough to make her sit back down. As Sean had walked out the house, he had heard Elsie’s sobs and pleads to her dad. He has not returned to that house since. Sean had vowed that would not be the last time he saw Elsie again though.
Four months later and they continue to see each other, just more carefully. Sean couldn’t give her up. He had never felt this way about someone before and never had someone accepted him for who he is, and not who his father was.
Sean stopped thinking back to that night and boarded the bus back to his side of town. He would get home a little after midnight; it was just after 11 now. As he stared out into the starry night, he wished he could be with Elsie now. Running his fingers through her soft hair. She would have her arms wrapped around him, as they would cuddle under the duvet talking about their future together. He cared deeply for Elsie and he knew she loved him. Deep down inside he knew he loved her too, more than he ever thought was possible, but he couldn’t tell her. Elsie would just have to wait to hear those three words.
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Elsie Sheldon tiptoed as she kissed Sean goodnight. She wasn’t’t particularly short, 5’ 5 but Sean was about 6’1, and she just loved having to tiptoe to kiss him. “You have to go” Sean said, as he tried to un-wrap his arms from her petite waist. “Just one more kiss” Elsie replied, staring at him with her piercing green eyes. Even though she would be with him again tomorrow night, she hated going home alone, without Sean. If only things could be different.
Sean gave her one last kiss goodnight. When his soft lips touched hers, it sent tingles from her head to her toes. Elsie loved the way Sean made her feel. Her stomach would flutter and she felt like she drifted to a faraway place when he kissed her. Somewhere it was ok for them to be together. They said good night and Sean watched Elsie as she walked down her road and turned into her drive. She turned and waved goodbye then disappeared into her house. He had to wait here in case anyone from the Sheldon family saw him. That was all that Sean and Elsie needed.
Sean turned and walked back toward the bus stop. For a late September night, (location) was hot, humid. Uncomfortable. Just as he had felt when he remembered walking into the Sheldon house for the first and last time, four months ago.
Sean had told Elsie that it wasn’t a good idea weeks before that evening. He knew Elsie’s father would not have thought highly off him, he would have done some probing about on him. Nevertheless, she had insisted that he went. Marcus Sheldon had shook Sean’s hand when he walked in the house and showed him to the dining room. He had been seated next to Jamie, Elsie’s younger brother. Although Jamie was two years younger than Elsie was, he had looked much older than her and resembled their father. Sean was sitting opposite Elsie and felt his comfort barrier had been taken away by the seating arrangements.
Patricia had sat to the left of him. He knew from the moment he saw Patricia, that Elsie got her looks from her mother. She had the same long dark, wavy hair and the same piercing green eyes. You could tell from their golden brown skin, that they both took time out to lounge round their pool, topping up their tans. Patricia had seemed nice enough; it seemed that Elsie also got her good hearted nature from her mother too. Her voice was soft and soothing, like a mother should be. Sean had thought about his own mother’s voice that night, hers was harsh and angry. Then he had stopped himself drifting back to his own reality and came back to Elsie’s reality, what had seemed like a paradise to him.
Jamie was a typical eighteen year old; he had been speaking out of place and pushing his father’s patience since I had arrived. I was sure he wouldn’t’t of got away with it, if I had not of been sitting there. Everything was going well and when I looked over at Elsie, she had smiled and I had seen her shoulders relax. But I had known it would only be a matter of time before that would change. Marcus had started asking questions about the side of town I had been bought up in. We had been discussing the danger and crime from (location)for almost half hour, and then it was like I had seen someone pull the switch and the light bulb came on in Marcus’ head. “Sean, may I ask what your last name is?” Marcus had stared deep into Sean’s eyes. The look of horror had swept over Elsie’s face and we had both known that was going to be it. The end of our first family night together, the last time we would be allowed to see each other.
“Yes sir, its Bayonne” I had replied, calmly. Marcus had just glared at Sean. “Bayonne. As in Doug Bayonne?” He had asked. “Yes sir” I had answered. “And are you in any relation TO Doug Bayonne?” Marcus had probed.
I could have lied but it would have been discovered eventually and I had nothing to be ashamed off, I was nothing like him. I remember Elsie biting her lip and Patricia and Jamie had stopped eating. The ticking of the clock on the wall had seemed to have got louder, until I had realised it was my heart thudding against my chest. That was the question I had been waiting for, it was all to be over in less than 2 hours. I breathed in and answered before Marcus could repeat his question. “Yes Mr Sheldon, he is my father” I had replied, knowing what lay ahead over the next few minutes. I had finished my mouthful and put the cutlery down. Silence had fallen across the table, all apart from the shuffling of Marcus’ chair on the wooden floor, as he stood up, pushed his chair back, and looked at Elsie.
“Dinner is over, Sean has finished” he had turned to look at me. “You are not welcome here and you will not be seeing my daughter again. Do you understand? I will not have my family being associated with the likes of your family. Now leave, please.”
Marcus’ words repeated over and over in my head. The look on Elsie’s face, I could still see it now, I could still hear her sobs. Her eyes had whelmed up and she had gone to stand up from her chair, when her father’s sharp look was enough to make her sit back down. As I had walked out the house, I could hear Elsie’s sobs and pleads to her dad. I have not returned to that house since. I had vowed that would not be the last time I saw Elsie again though.
Four months later and I continue to see Elsie, just more carefully. I couldn’t give her up. I have never felt this way about someone before and never had someone accepted me for who I am, and not who my father was.
I stopped thinking back to that night and boarded the bus back to my side of town. I would be home a little after midnight; it was just after 11 now. As I stared out into the starry night, I wished I could be with Elsie now. Running my fingers through her soft hair. She would have her arms wrapped around me, as we snuggled under our duvet talking about our future together. I cared deeply for Elsie. I knew she loved me and deep down inside I knew I loved her too, more than I ever thought was possible, but I couldn’t tell her. She would just have to wait for those three words.
Thursday, 30 July 2009
When do we know something we have said won’t ever be forgotten? By the shimmer in someone’s eyes when they look into yours?
When do we say sorry but realise it’s too late? By the empty expression on the other persons face?
How often do we go to say something and stop ourselves? Not often enough otherwise we wouldn’t need to say sorry.
How often do we think about how our words are going to make somebody feel? Normally once we have already said them.
How often do we take time out to tell someone we love them and how much they mean to us? We think about it but don’t normally get round to telling someone.
Words are so powerful and can have a huge impact on somebody. We use words every single day to string sentences together. Whether we say them out loud or just think them. But we don’t always think about what we say.
Take a 5 minute break and complete this simple exercise for yourself. Write down a sentence or word which somebody said to you today, which had an impact on you. Do you think they realised how that impacted on you?
Now write down a sentence or word which you said to somebody today and how you think that affected them. If you can’t think of one, ask somebody you had contact with today and see what result you get. I can nearly guarantee that you were unaware of how this affected someone.
This is just a short exercise to bring more awareness to people. Awareness to the power of the words you use and the effects they have on people. If you carry out the exercise, feel free to share your findings in the comments box below.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Location: Corner of Union Street/Ship Street, BRIGHTON
Restaurant: Italian Restaurant (opposite a lovely jewellers; Michael Rose)
Rating: Cleanliness: * Food: * Service: * Presentation: *
4 out of a possible 20!
As it was recently my birthday, my partner and I decided to spend a day out at our favourite place, Brighton. After a lovely morning walking around, we both got quite hungry and set out to find a nice restaurant to have lunch. As Italian food is my favourite, we picked what appeared to be a nice Italian pizza/pasta restaurant to eat in. We eat out a lot; it’s probably our favourite thing to do, at least twice a week. So we have a fair bit of experience on restaurant standards.
We went inside and asked to be seated outside along the lanes as it was a beautiful day. We walked out to the table and were handed our menus straight away. We were then approached to order our drinks. My partner ordered a low alcohol beer and myself lemonade. Whilst waiting for our drinks, we were approached by a further 2 waiters asking to take our drinks order! I soon realised there was no organisation in what tables belonged to what waiters. We ordered our food, whilst waiting for our drinks. The service was extremely rushed and felt like we were a burden on the staff. Although they had more than enough staff and the restaurant was only half full.
When we received our drinks, my partner was not given a low alcohol beer and when he asked the waiter, he replied “we don’t have any of them left”. It would have been polite to double check what he wanted to drink instead of assuming. My lemonade came in a glass with what can only be described as tomato pizza sauce, down the side of the glass and inside the top of the glass.
I wiped it down and tried to drink it but after battling with myself, pushed it to the side and waited for my partner to finish with his glass, so I could change it over.
I expected the table to be wiped over before we were served our lunch, it was not. I also hoped they would remove the cutlery from beside us that we were not using, as the fork sitting next to me quite visibly had a rather long hair wrapped between its prongs. Trying not to think of what my food was being cooked in, I hoped it would hurry up before I changed my mind and left. A different waiter brought over two plates, which had neither of what we ordered on it, so he took them away, after questioning if we were sure that wasn't what we had ordered! The lasagne I was waiting for definitely doesn’t look like the pizza they tried to give me!
We finally got our food. My partner ordered Bolognaise Tortellini, although it did not state on the menu what was inside the tortellini and we could not work it out through personal taste. The presentation was quite simple; on a clean plate (which is always nice!) my partner described his meal as ‘bland, undercooked grisly meat, the sauce tasteless. The little bit of veg that was actually on his plate was what added taste to the meal. In general the meal just tasted wet and soft’.
I had ordered the lasagne. It was presented in a dish, which it had obviously been cooked in. The outside of the dish and under the handles was black from where it had been warmed up – this could have easily been cleaned up. I was hoping the taste of the meal was going to make up for poor service and presentation. However when I took a bite of my lasagne I was not impressed. It tasted like pizza that had been reheated after it had been sitting out for a day. The cheese on the lasagne was so think and actually tasted like pizza cheese. The meat didn’t have any taste to it and the whole meal just tasted like it had been reheated more than once. I managed to eat a few mouthfuls and then pushed it to the side to be left with my empty, dirty lemonade glass.
Whilst waiting for our plates to be cleared, we asked for the bill. The meal came to around £15. Another waiter then whipped the serviettes out from under the two sets of un-used cutlery on our table and handed them to another customer. Leaving the cutlery with the hair on it lying on a dirty table. Ready for the next customers to sit down.
I have eaten in many restaurants and can honestly say this was the worst I have visited. Normally if a restaurant lacks in one department, it makes up for it in another, but this restaurant lacked in service, quality food, cleanliness and presentation. Intrigued, I came home to visit the webpage to see how they portray themselves but was unable to track any website down. This may be due to the name of the restaurant varying on search engines from Picasso's to Piccolo's!
Overall both my partner and I were very disappointed with the restaurant, so much so that I thought I would share this review with others. If you have visited the restaurant, feel free to add your opinion on the bottom.
Saturday, 4 April 2009
I sit back up to find my bedroom is a little bit misty. I rub my eyes. Am I still asleep? I step out of bed and walk towards my bedroom door to see what is going on. Opening my bedroom door and walking out onto the landing, I lean over the banister to see that a light is shining from underneath the back room door. I am definitely awake. Curious I walk downstairs. The strong smell becoming over powering. I am rapidly finding it hard to breathe. I get to the backroom door and in a split second before I try to open it, I realise what is going on. I run back upstairs.
I run into my mum and dad’s room, shouting that there is a fire downstairs, to realise that nobody is there. I call out to my brother and no reply. I run into his bedroom and he is asleep. Shouting, panicking, screaming I manage to wake him. He just stares at me. What the hell is going on? Where are mum and dad? And why is my brother not getting up? I run back into my parent’s room and then into mine to check they are not there.
I turn on the lights and run downstairs, the fire is spreading and now in my kitchen, making its way along the hall. I can barely see around the ground floor of my house, the smoke is so thick and I can only be in it so long before I can feel myself becoming light headed. I push against the front room door, realising it is ajar. My mum and dad are asleep on the couch.
I start shouting at them and pulling them to get up but nobody is moving. How long have they been down here inhaling the fumes? Were they already asleep or has this put them to sleep? I have to go back upstairs, I need my phone to call for help, and I need my brother. Running back upstairs, I am screaming and shouting. The front door is locked and my keys are also in my bedroom. Rummaging around I find everything I need.
I call 999. I find my keys. I run into my brother’s room. He's not there anymore? I search around, calling for him. No sign. I check out my parent’s room, he is not there either. The fire has come up the stairs. It didn’t take long. My parents are down there. Are they ok? I can barely see through the smoke and my tears. I just need some air, fresh air. Something that is going to get me through trying to get back downstairs to my parents.
I get to a window, I can’t get it open. It’s jammed. I look outside. The fire brigade is here and my mum, dad and brother are outside on stretchers. They are being lifted into the ambulances. All the neighbours are gathering to watch my house burn down. Why is no one coming for me? Does anyone know I’m in here?
I scream for help. I can’t go back out this room, I can’t get downstairs. The fire is ripping through my house so quickly. I am going to die if I stay here. I can’t see a way out, I panic. I draw open my parents curtains. I walk to the back of the room. I take a deep breath in. I am panicking but there is no other way out. At least I have a chance of surviving this way. I don’t have double glazing, I can make it. I start running; it feels like I am running forever but my parents room is not that big. I take a leap into the air and smash through the window. Everybody looks up and gasps. I am falling and falling. I can see the ground getting closer and closer. The drop is bigger than I thought it was. I am just about to hit the ground, when I wake up.
How often have you had a dream where you are falling and you wake up just before you hit the ground? I know it’s a dream I have had on more than one occasion and asking around, other people have too. I have done quite a bit of research into this and there is no set answer for what happens when we do this. One answer is that your brain disengages from your body when you’re sleeping which prevents you from moving around in your sleep too much. You generally have the feeling of falling when you are close to waking up, which is caused by your brain sending out a reflex twitch. This causes you to jump from the falling and awake. Other people believe that it is your body dragging you back into it, as you become free from your body whilst having these dreams. There seems to be no real explanation for this feeling though?
Waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare is scary for anybody. It is dark and it takes a little while to adjust back to reality and fully awake. Everything always seems so real. We all have them, some more than others, some worse than others. There are two types of nightmares. There are actual Nightmares and something which is known as Night terrors.
Night terrors being more emotional and creating a much bigger fear than nightmares. These are when we awake petrified and sometimes completely unaware of what is going on. When we wake we can sometimes recall every part of what happened. Other times we have no idea what happened whilst we were sleeping. We just awake with rapid heartbeat and the strongest feeling of fear. These generally appear in the first half of the night, with the person waking up screaming, crying, gasping for air. Although we have no definite reason for causes of these, the most common is emotional tension and stress.
A nightmare usually appears later on through the night and usually wakes you from your sleep but you are able to recall the content of the dream. Nightmares are very common in children and decrease in adulthood. Although, apparently 50% of adults experience nightmares, women more often than men. A few causes of nightmares could be, eating before going to bed, this increases the body’s metabolism and the brains activity. Illness, anxiety and stress are also common causes. Having a clear head when you go to sleep is going to help reduce the chances of nightmares.
It is something which when we all go to bed, we cannot prevent from happening. Watching a horror film before bed is more likely to cause them. So pick your TV channel wisely before you go to bed and Sleep well!
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Type rest of the post here
Saturday, 21 March 2009
I had my last cigarette Wednesday night about 7 o clock and have not smoked since. I got up Thursday morning and thought let’s see how we go today. Each day since then I have woke up and thought I’ve gone 1 day, why not go another. This is the longest I have ever gone without smoking and I feel like I have achieved something, so everyday I feel a little bit better by not smoking again. I increased my dose of tablets on Thursday and if I am honest, they have made me feel really quite sick but as the day goes on, they wear off. I am now working with my own will-power to keep it up. I feel I have come this far, so why not keep going!
It is a lot easier then I thought it would be, although I don’t know if the tablets are having that effect on me. I do still have some cravings, today was the first time but I worked through it. Generally by eating. But hey, I could do with a little extra weight.
So just a quick update. Again thank you so much everyone for all the comments and I do keep reading them every day. Especially people who were once smokers and have proved they can do it; they have given me positive reassurance that I can do this.
Thank you to everyone.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
I am finding it a struggle now but just keep telling myself the benefits of giving up smoking. The holiday I want to go on, I will be able to pay in just 3 months of not smoking! I also think about how much healthier I will be. There are so many reasons not to smoke; outweighing the one reason I am smoking, through habit. My dose increases tomorrow from 0.5mg twice daily, to 1.0mg twice daily, so I know it can only get easier from then. As long as I have my positive thinking going at the same time. I haven’t really experienced any side effects still, apart from being a little touchy now and then, but who’s not!
Keeping busy is a great way to take your mind of smoking. It’s often through boredom that I find myself smoking lots. I’m finding it easier not to smoke in the day at work, than when I am home at night time. However I am spending a lot of time writing (as you can probably tell) and even drawing (I can’t draw for the life of me!) just to keep busy. It is also something I enjoy doing, so not making it a chore to replace smoking.
Thank you all again for your support and everyone who is around me for putting up with a little bit of moodiness (Calvin especially) and I will keep you posted. Again if you have any questions, send them my way. Wish me luck......
Monday, 16 March 2009
When I went to my doctors last Wednesday night I attended a quick smoking meeting; open to anybody, no hassle, no pressure. Here I filled out a form and spoke to my own doctor. I took a carbon monoxide test. It came back showing that 5% of all my blood is being filled with carbon monoxide and travelling around my body aimlessly. I decided this MUST stop. My doctor prescribed me these tablets called Champix. I had never heard of them, and was intrigued by what they are supposed to do. They are not a miracle drug but simply help you on your way to quit smoking. Starting the tablets the very next day and continuing to take them for 14 days. You are expected to quit between day 8 and 14 of taking the tablets, and I was told most people don’t smoke past the 7th day! But you have to have the will power to want to do this.
At first I moaned about having to pay £7.10 for a prescription every 2 weeks but then realised I will happily spend £5 a day on a box of cigarettes. I soon piped down!
There are possible side effects; the main 1 is the feeling of nausea. However this is not intense, although it varies in people. I looked up the tablets on Google as soon as I got home and read some bad reports about side effects but read just as many good to balance it out. I was determined not to let the ‘horror’ stories put me off before I had even started taking the tablets. I am now on day 5 of my tablets and the dose increased to two tablets a day yesterday. I generally only feel sick when I smoke, which is 1 of the effects the tablets are suppose to have. I was on 20 a day and I am already down to around 3 a day. I do not get the cravings I did and when i do want to smoke, I do not enjoy the taste of them. I am also very reluctant to get in my car, which smells like an ashtray, anymore! I am finding it hard to kick the last few cigarettes I am smoking. That first thing in the morning smoke and last thing at night. But the dose of the tablets goes up again next week and I have set my quit date as the 9th day of taking them, which is this Friday.
I am not saying these tablets are a miracle and will stop anyone smoking but they are meant to be the most effective way of quitting. I really enjoyed smoking and for me to feel this way after 5 days of taking these tablets, I think is pretty amazing. I don’t like relying on tablets and I do not feel I am. I don’t feel if I was to miss a tablet that I would go back to smoking the amount I did. You are on tablets for a few months afterwards but that is just to help you. I will admit that since I have cut down, I have not stopped eating but it is finding something to fill that gap. So you just have to stick with it, and work out what is best for you. My mum is doing it at the same time as me, and we are both reacting differently to how we are going about stopping. But still finding the tablets effective, in a positive way.
But you really do have to have the want and will power to be able to follow this through. I believe everybody who wants to can; it just takes a little help. I will keep this updated throughout the next few weeks, to let people know how I am doing. It is great to be able to share with people, and if anybody has any questions about the tablets or giving up smoking, please feel free to contact me. Hope i have been of some help. Wish me luck....
Monday, 9 March 2009
here is a link to an online magazine which my partner has put together. There is a mixture of graphics and articles to view. I have also featured in an article in the magazine. Take 5 minutes out to have a read and pass on to anybody you think will enjoy it.
Friday, 6 March 2009
You hear swearing on a daily basis, from the beginning till the end of the day. On your journey to college, at work, when you get back home, everywhere. It’s part of everyday life but why do we swear? And why do we swear so much? It is not something we are taught but we learn swearing regardless and develop a rather large vocabulary in it!! Swearing is generally used in anger or to let frustration out. It is often used in replacement of showing emotions which maybe you don’t like to show. If you hit your head and it really hurt, you wouldn’t generally cry but say “fuck that hurt!” It’s a release for adults, like crying is for children. As you get older swearing becomes a natural part of your life and you don’t even realise you are doing it most of the time!
When you are younger and you first start swearing, it is generally seen as being “cool” or a “taboo”. Something you hear your parents or adults casually saying. But as you mature it becomes more of a habit. Hearing it in social events with friends, when grabbing a quick pint after work and more than anything, in the work place. How many swear words do you hear in a normal day at work? The place where, you generally feel the most stress throughout your day. Although it may not be accepted in the work place, there’s always that cigarette break or lunch to catch up! Swearing also emphasises what you are trying to say. If you are in an argument and trying to get your point acknowledged, swearing often shows passion in what you are saying and frustration in what you are trying to get across.
Take a sentence from an argument you most recently had or a conversation which involved swearing. Was it quite intense? Now take that sentence and repeat it, removing all the swear words from it. Did it have the same impact? Did you feel like you had got your point across?
Some researchers believe men swear to create a masculine identity and women swear to be more like men. However, I am sure a lot of women will argue that statement! So is swearing acceptable? Swearing has been around for many centuries, and as times change, so does the acceptability of many swear words. Also, so does the view we take towards women swearing. In many countries, women swearing is frowned upon, and seen as socially incorrect. It is more of a taboo for women to swear, than it is for men. However living in England, we all know that women swear just as frequently as men, sometimes more.
So how does our brain process swearing? Apparently in most people the left part of the brain processes language and the right side deals with emotions. The lower part brain functions, such as emotion and instinct are thought to be where swearing is also processed. This takes place deep inside the brain. These words are stored as whole words and do not need the left part of the brain to process these words. This makes these words easier to remember and not need much thought in saying them, so is easier for them to just “roll” of your tongue and become part of your language.
There are some instances which create different reactions to swearing. To people who have a form of Aphasia, swearing can become their only speech. Aphasia is where you become unable to comprehend a language or the ability to process words, due to certain parts of the brain being damaged. Because swearing is remembered as whole words, it can become part of automatic speech in these cases. Coprolalia is the medical term for uncontrollable swearing and is a symptom of Tourettes.
Knowing how the brain stores swear words and how frequently we use these words, it somehow seems part of another language to us. A language that everybody understands but uses in different ways. The two most common words used are “fuck” and “shit”.
Apparently, the word shit originally stands for Ship High In Transit. When manure was shipped and left for a long time it would let off a smell, which was created through the process of fermentation. This became highly flammable, which is why the initials S.H.I.T were stamped on it. When people asked what the smell was, it was shortened to shit. Hence the saying “it smells like shit!”
As for the word fuck, although there are many words in the English dictionary beginning with the letter F, this is the only word described as ‘the F word’. There are lots of different stories of where this word originated from including it coming from the German word fliechen, which means ‘to strike’. The term fuck is used as an adjective, adverb, noun and many more. This word is used so many times throughout the day and is the most commonly used swear word.
What is your interpretation of swearing? What do you think of it? Asking around I found out some different views to what people think of swearing.
“Swearing is so common but only really becomes something when I hear children, under 10yrs old who are meant to be innocent, using swear words. When I hear a kid swear I instantly think that child comes from a bad family. Why are they not "allowed" to use them when we use them so freely? Some people use swear words like commas and full stops. Swearing is a lazy way of speaking, replacing words with swear words to save you thinking of a more appropriate one”.
“I usually assume people that swear a lot are not very articulate and swear for lack of knowledge or breadth of vocabulary, but that isn't always the case. It can be just down to laziness”.
“Certain swear words become part of a saying and somehow become acceptable, like "what the fuck" when someone says that I don't even register the word "fuck" as a swear. Also the word fuck is a derogatory word for people having sex but in the terms it is used in now it has totally lost its meaning and has become a replacement for x amount of words in the English language. What I find funny is that now it hasn't really got a meaning anymore, people still totally understand what you mean when using it consecutively”.
“Swearing has become a way for me to release anger. When using certain swear words to describe how I’m feeling, it somehow feels like people can understand me more and feels more in touch with how I am feeling”.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
The snow has coated everywhere; it’s an extraordinary sight.
For many we’ve never seen snow like this,
No work or school, it’s not a day to be missed!
Up we get, to the park we go.
Children playing in lots of snow.
How quickly it fell over night.
It’s still so fresh and extremely bright.
So soft to walk through and fun to run,
More than one person ended up on their bum!
The sound of laughter is all around,
The snow is about a foot off the ground.
The shops are closed, no transport running,
Looking around and the view is stunning!
Building Snow angels and snow men,
Watching adults become children again.
How new and exciting today has been,
No one thought the snow would be this extreme.
It’s the end of the day, the snow has stayed.
The people in bed, wonder what lies ahead..
Back to work tomorrow, they go
Trying to make their way through the snow.
It’s so beautiful to look at, so amazing to see,
No one wants to go back to reality.
Everyone’s hoping the snow will stay,
So we get one more day to play!!
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
She knows that he has something to say but won’t share it.
Her heart is pounding.
She is too scared to question
How can a situation get any better without talking?
Her breathing getting deeper each time.
“Close your eyes and breathe” she repeats to herself.
“No tears will fall today” She looks at the floor and closes her eyes.
Images of happy times together, fill her mind.
She looks up from the ground,
Not being able to speak, nor move.
A part of her is going with him.
She doesn’t want to go home, alone.
If she could just go back.
Back to when he was there.
When he could wipe away those tears.
Sitting alone in her room.
Coated with pictures, experiences.
All washed away with that one word,
In that one breathe.
She waits, looking at her phone.
Waiting for contact.
Hours pass, what seems like days.
Just like how she feels.
It’s so hard to say goodbye.
She looks at his picture,
“When did it all change?”
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
The tide glides in and out.
Back and forth over the sand.
Rising up and back down the beach.
Silence apart from waves rolling over and meeting the sand.
Such a beautiful vision.
So vibrant and blue.
The smell so distinguishing. The sight so amazing.
Your senses come alive.
Inhaling the fresh sea breeze, that comes with the waves.
Watching the movement across the shoreline.
Closing your eyes, listening to every sound.
Realising this happens across all shores,
Each and every day.
But yet the experience is still as breathtaking,
As the first time you sat and observed the tide coming in.
Mesmerized by each and every movement.
Fully allowing all senses to partake in this experience.
Watching the tide go back out.
The sea taking little particles of sand and stones along.
Then washing them back in and slowly rising up the beach.
Looking into the distance, the sky meets the ocean.
All you can see is blue.
The sun is setting.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
When a person has that kind of glisten in their eyes, that they are genuinely grateful for what you have done and how you have helped them.
There are lots of people I would like to thank. Those people who have always been there for me and helped me on a day to day basis, throughout life. Taught me the right way to go. Family. How often do we thank family for the little things they do each and every day? Well sometimes they might just want to hear that because it goes a long way. I know it puts a smile on my mum or dad’s face, if I look at them and say thank you. And why not? They generally are the people that raise us and are there from beginning to end. So why shouldn’t they get a thank you every now and then.
There’s also those new people who come into our lives and change it or somehow make it better. Friends, partners. They make us see a different outlook on life and sometimes make us see things, which we were not aware off. Your life is down to you and it is what you make of it. But other people can open up our eyes and take that mist away. Say Thank you to those people who make you realise, that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for and who take the time out to help you realise that for yourself.
I have one person to thank in particular, for the last ten months. For changing my outlook on life and giving me the confidence to progress in things I have always wanted to do. Being there to support me and definitely taking the cloud out of my eyes, when I feel like it’s going to rain forever. Putting a smile on my face and when I’m feeling down, being there to pick me back up again. And by telling him, it makes us both smile. And every time I sit down to write, I thank him, as I wouldn’t be sitting here, without his support.
Like I said in Round and Round we shouldn’t give to people who keep taking or don’t appreciate what we, as individuals, have to give. Saying Thank you, just builds that confidence in someone, that helping you is actually benefitting you. So have a think. Next time you say thank you, Is it out of courtesy or because you genuinely mean it? If it’s a family member or friend, then express it in a way that shows. Your eyes always show everything!! Remember that, Thank you can go a long way, without you even realising it.
This was just to show my appreciation for the people in my life, who make a difference, and who I thank, on a regular basis. To let them know, I am genuinely grateful for everything they do for me. Thank you.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
But nothing can change what has happened and you have to come to terms with your loss. You have to have faith that they can still hear you and although you didn’t say those last words to them, they can hear them all now and will be there to listen every day. You cry so much sometimes that you can’t breathe. The thought of never having that person in your life again is just unthinkable, you can’t think about that right now. So you start thinking about all the things you should have said. All the times you sat at home doing nothing, instead of being with that person. When now, you would walk to the end of the earth and back again if it meant you could just see them again. Just for a minute. Just long enough to say “I love you. I miss you”.
But regret will deepen your grief and you won’t move forward. You just have to keep that thought, that they will be there watching over you every day. They will know exactly how you are feeling. It’s still hard. Every time you leave the house you think you see them and for a split second you forget that person is no longer there. No longer visibly with you, just mentally. Sometimes you can hear their voice. It’s the images you keep in your head, the memories that you have, these are what then, get you through. Just the thought of going to sleep, dreaming about them, makes you feel closer to them. You start your day thinking about what journey you went through in your dream together. You end the day wondering what tonight’s dream will be.
But it keeps you going. You keep looking forward, never back. You store the great memories you had and you won’t forget them. Sometimes the pain does still get intense and there are times when you need that person back in your life, more than anything. But you stay strong because deep down you know that nothing can bring that person back. And then you start thinking. You think about the people you do have in your life. Do you tell them you love them enough? Would you live in regret if one day you woke up and they were no longer there? You cannot live your lives in what if?? Past or present. But you can think about those around you, those people you love. Would they know how you feel if you weren’t there to tell them??
Grief and loss do get easier but only through your reactions and emotions. Living your life in regret will never help. You will find you are forever running from it and it won’t go away until you deal with it. How about trying to cut the regret side out and just being able to deal with your grief? I love my Nan and I know she loved me. Too much time was lived in regret I created, when she was no longer here. Instead of living in the memories, which we created together.